Over the last 12 months a lot of things have changed and yet a lot of things have remained the same. Last year I left my Boyfriend of two years and relocated from Reno, Nevada to Eugene, Oregon, my hometown. I left my position at the Grand Sierra Resort and Casino as a Guest Services Supervisor (Ticketing and Room Reservations) to take a position as a Front Office Supervisor (Front Desk basically) at the Eugene Hilton and Conference Center because at the time it seemed like it would put me in a better position for training and future advancement. Within a month of moving home I was involved with my best friend who I’d know since Middle School and soon after had agreed to marry him.
From that point things in my life moved towards the interesting. Within weeks of agreeing to marry my best friend he had to surrender himself to Clark County on felony charges that he plead down to a sentence of 6 month in the Clark County Jail. During those 6 months I tried not to second guess myself or the relationship and I tried not to let the stress of his family get to me. But seeing as how I started having stress related blood pressure issues I wasn’t able to. I spent the 6 months he was in jail trying to figure out if I could see the relationship working and ultimately it didn’t. His being in jail ended up being only one of the issues, I apparently have issues with forgiveness of lies be they to my face or by omission.
Through all of it I figured at least work was ok, that even though they had yet to follow through on the promise of training and hadn’t yet it was just because there was issues with the Front Office Manager needing training. Now however I have to wonder if there was every any plan to follow through on the promise of training. A month ago I was Demoted from Front Office Supervisor to PBX Operator. The reason for the demotion differs depending on which member of management I’m having a meeting with. The Front Office Manager said it was for budget reasons, the hotel was only budgeted for 2 full time supervisors and we had 3 so it was a seniority decision and I was the newest Supervisor Hire. A week later the Hotel Manager pulled me into his office to ask me how I was dealing and have a chat about my lack of a perky personality, a week later he pulled me into his office again to give me a written action plan (course of training / improvement in order to keep ones job) stating that I’d been demoted because it was felt that my personality depressed employees and guests. Which was a shock to me since in the 11 months I’d worked here no one had ever said a word to me or shown me the horrible comment cards from guests that I was told I’d received over that 11 month time period. So now the position that I had hopped would allow for training and advancement has offered little but disappointment both with the company I work for and the lack of professionalism in it’s management. (And I now get to try to find a new job where I don’t have to worry that I’ll be fired with no warning for not smiling at some point during an given year period).
Relationship wise I’m starting to think my sister might have been right when she jokingly called me a Nun years ago. The most contact I have with anyone at this point is my Pomeranian Leo and my sister’s cat Spencer. I tried the whole online dating thing but the free sites equal creepy messages and the pay sites are way to expensive anymore. If you ask my family I’m looking for the wrong type of guy because apparently finding someone who can stand up to me personality wise (not let me walk all over them like they’re made of cardboard) and who is willing to work for a living isn’t possible. Who knows maybe they’re right, maybe I’ll end up a crazy old eccentric dog lady.
And emotionally over the last year I have to say I’ve seen a lot more downward dips that I’m used to. I guess now that I’m home I’m just scared of not being enough for my family. I want to be a good person who doesn’t bring drama, I want to be someone people want to be around and anymore I don’t know that I am. I started college classes again and there is an overall lack of faith that I’ll finish. I know why it’s there I just wish that people would lie and tell me they think i can do it instead of telling me I’m going to fail. I hate failing, more than likely why getting demoted pissed me off so much…
